‘This is an unislamic abay’, be careful, you’re a preserved diamond, and it will be a huge regret when you enter into the darkness of grave’. These comments are painted on electric substations in some residential areas of Kuwait. — Photos by Athoob Al-Shuaibi

Piety is not linked with a specific outfit in Islam, as women and girls of all ages - veiled or unveiled - can be found filling mosque halls to pray on time.

The Kuwaiti society is an open one, yet still very conservative too. One of the demonstrations of this contradiction is seen in women who wear the abaya - a black outer full-length garment - in Kuwait, while dressing in colorful clothes when they travel. Another paradox that people fear to talk about publicly is how they respect women who have never worn a hijab, but harshly judge those who used to wear it and later decide to take it off. The response, especially from family, can sometimes reach even to the point of domestic violence.

Piety is not linked with a specific outfit in Islam, as women and girls of all ages - veiled or unveiled - can be found filling mosque halls to pray on time. Based on the stories of the women in this article, religiosity is not a major reason to wear the hijab, as all of them ended up wearing it due to social and peer pressure. Some people in their life convinced them to wear it to gain their blessing. The fear of rejection, the need for security and a constant search for acceptance and appreciation also played a part.

Media and perception

In fact, Kuwaiti soap operas have contributed greatly to shaping a unified image of veiled women, where the actress who plays a veiled girl is usually a committed and respectable woman, or a wise old grandmother. Promoting this stereotype in the media has magnified social norms and led to maintaining the "pure" image of veiled women.

Maysa, 35-year-old former hijabi, said she was very concerned about her mother, who's very conservative and God-fearing. "She did not understand the process of thought that guides individuals to something other than the religion she loves and believed in, no questions asked. She was the most affected. For her, taking off my hijab meant leaving Islam and being someone else. She thought that I would stop praying and start doing bad things," she said.

"With time, she realized that I am myself - nothing changes except the freedom of my hair. My dad went with the flow, telling my mom that I am a grown woman now, not her child, and have the right to live my life the way I desire. Other family members, acquaintances and colleagues gossiped and talked about it for a while, then they found something more interesting to talk about. The novelty faded and I won back myself," Maysa explained.

When 40-year-old Taiba tried to take off her hijab, she suffered from physical violence by her mother. "When my mother found out that I used to take my hijab off before going to work, she beat me all over my body, and there were bruises everywhere. I was in my 20s. My brother was more understanding and believed in the freedom of choice, but he didn't want to upset her. So he suggested I take it off after she dies. I took it off a few years after her death," she said.

Parents and the hijab

Fear and respect of parents is ingrained in Islamic teachings, which pairs parents' satisfaction with the consent of God. Some parents abuse this power to enslave their children to obey decisions they don't want for themselves. So some daughters wait until they find an open-minded person to marry.

Fatima, 33, tells her story: "What matters the most is my family. My father, I guess, till this moment, is not happy about my choice. I had to take his permission for taking off the hijab and he did not agree. So I waited two years to get married, then I didn't need his approval. The workplace and society was fine with it because I was more myself. I couldn't pray when I was forced to wear it. Now, my spirituality is healed and I have a better relationship with God," she said.

Hind, a 30-year-old teacher, grew up in a profoundly religious family, and faced many conflicts with her family and most of her relatives, who no longer talk to her. "I wore the hijab when I was six years old. I only removed it two years ago. However, I'm the same girl who's been brought up on ideals and morality, and have not changed. My students are teenagers, which makes me careful to not mangle the image of the hijab in front of them. When they ask, my answer is usually that the veil should be taken up after understanding its responsibilities, with conviction and choice of self. Sticking to it or giving it up entails great consequences," said Hind, who doesn't want her personal experience to bear on her students' decisions.

The role of education, as stated by Dr Ghadeer Aseeri, a specialist in social policy, is vital."Wearing the hijab must be well thought out objectively, taking into account individual differences, to teach what the veil is and the obligations to wear it. I'm not against wearing the hijab. But, the decision to wear it should be taken mindfully, so girls don't suffer psychological problems later. Some of them resort to marriage to get rid of it, away from parental authority. The society is less harsh in treating those who take it off after they marry. According to many people, she's free to do anything as long as she's under the shade of her husband," added Aseeri.

"There's a great injustice that society heaps on a woman who leaves the hijab. They look at her with disgrace and contempt as if she is committing a crime. However, I'm betting on change. The future of the Kuwaiti society is a part of a moral force of social change that occurs in all parts of the world. Overall, the social punishment for those who took off their hijab at the turn of the century was much tougher than those who only decided to take it off a week ago. Like it or not, society will change," Dr Aseeri believes.

"It's time to bring a law to protect the rights of girls to wear the hijab contentedly or to take it off freely. Also, we demand to monitor the wearing of the hijab by young childrento make sure that the practice is far from intimidation. We are a nation of laws, and we call for a law to regulate these things to shelter the freedoms of individuals from all forms of intellectual repression," Dr Aseeri added.

It's worth remembering that in the first article of the election law issued in 2005, women have to conform to the rules and provisions of Islamic sharia, which indicates gender inequality.

NOTE: Names of the women who shared their stories have been changed to preserve their privacy.

Story and Images by Athoob Al-Shuaibi